Who Am I? Part I
Written by Ronilen Nieva, MS Intern, July 2025
A Four Part Blog Series: Identity and the Quiet Forces That Shape Who We Are
I’m so glad you're here, let’s dive in!
Who am I? It’s a question that tends to show up in big transitions, unexpected changes, or in quiet moments of reflection. Sometimes, this question sneaks up on us, whether it’s at the end of a relationship, a career shift, stepping into parenthood, the death of a loved one, or suddenly finding ourselves in unfamiliar territory. Even just feeling stuck can make us rethink everything. It can feel exciting and full of possibility and other times, it can feel unsettling, bringing up fear, sadness, frustration, or anxiety, especially when the identity we’ve carried no longer fits.
I’ve noticed that we usually define ourselves by names, roles, experiences, the beliefs we hold, and the paths we follow. Believing they sum up who we are. As a result they become labels we give ourselves. But I’ve realized that identity runs deeper, it’s shaped by layers. Some layers are clear because we actively shape and accept them. But beneath are unseen layers that run quietly in the background, behind the curtain, shaping our beliefs, values, and how we see ourselves in ways we don’t even realize.
But, what happens when we pause and really look at them? When we take a moment to peek behind the curtain, not just to see who we are, but to understand WHY we’ve come to see ourselves this way?
As you read, I invite you to wonder:
What truly defines me, my choices and my beliefs? How much has been passed down, absorbed, or shaped by my experiences?
To understand this deeper, let’s break it down. Culture, upbringing, and societal norms all influence us all on some level. They influence how we navigate life, handle situations, define success, determine our values, and understand our place in the world.
If you stop for a moment and think about how you approach conflict, fulfillment, and self-worth, they might feel natural. But as you dive deeper you’ll notice that they’re deeply rooted and shaped in what we've absorbed and accepted over time.
Some people confront conflict head-on, tackling problems straight away. Others take a step back to process, while some avoid confrontation altogether. No approach is right or wrong. It all depends on our past experiences and what we’ve learned over time.
With all that in mind, how do you usually handle conflict? Where do you think that comes from, was it shaped by your family, the culture around you, or past experiences?
The same goes for self-worth. Some people feel most fulfilled when they’re working toward goals and achieving things. Others may feel fulfilled by personal growth and inner satisfaction.
These viewpoints aren’t random, they reflect the experiences that have shaped how we see ourselves and how we believe we should move through the world.
These influences may feel invisible and yet they quietly shape how we see ourselves. For some, this makes perfect sense. For others, it may leave them feeling like invisible rules are dictating who they are. Like their identity seems predetermined by their upbringing, past experiences, or societal expectations, making change feel out of reach or even impossible.
For you readers, I want to offer you comfort and share some good news: we don’t have to accept it as fixed truths. We have the power to question them. We can examine where they come from and whether they truly reflect who we are.
Where does this come from? Are they truly mine, or have I just accepted them without realizing? Does it serve me or does it hold me back?
When we take a step back, lead with curiosity and really look, we create space for self-awareness and growth. We give ourselves the chance to rewrite the patterns, old narratives and reclaim who we are. This process isn’t about rejecting everything familiar, it’s about understanding ourselves more deeply and making intentional choices about how we want to live.
Getting to know ourselves isn’t about having everything figured out, it’s about staying curious and being open to the possibility of change. The more we explore what’s shaped who we are, the more we realize we have a choice.
What feels authentic? What needs to change so that I can live the life I want to live or be the person I want to be?
Change doesn’t just happen, it asks something of you. It means stepping beyond the familiar, stretching past the comfort. And that’s not an easy thing to do. It feels vulnerable, uncertain, and sometimes overwhelming. But growth lives in those moments of discomfort. You don’t have to take giant leaps; even small steps forward matter.
Trust yourself, give yourself grace, and remember: every bit of effort you put in, is shaping the path ahead.
Self-reflection helps. It allows us to sort through the narratives we’ve picked up along the way, making space for the identity we actually want to embrace.
To dig deeper, try journaling, practicing mindfulness, or asking yourself:
What parts of who I am feel ready for change?
Because self-discovery isn’t just about understanding the past, it’s about choosing, with intention, who you want to be.
